this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
