yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
