thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
