Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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