i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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