oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
