I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
