a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
