this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
