I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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