Your mouth is God's brothel.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
