before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
