someone owes me an orgasm
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
