Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
