Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize