Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
