ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's just like the Real World with babies
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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