I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
