this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
