If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
