Screwed.edu
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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