We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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