My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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