these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
