1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
