Apparently you make a good broom.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
