made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
