so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
