she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
