I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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