Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
