Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
