I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
