Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
