i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
