Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just forgot I was standing up.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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