I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do herpes really smell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
