cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
