You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
