They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It all started with a game of naked twister.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
