I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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