i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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