I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
