I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
