First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
don't judge my taste in strippers
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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