i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
