She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
