I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize