she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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