I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
