i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
