i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
