I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
