My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
