I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
