based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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