i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
