How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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