You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
