I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
