It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
