I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
