So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
