I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
