The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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