I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
