if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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