i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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