This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
