Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
