o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
