Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
