Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
