Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize