A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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