Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
