Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
