We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
