i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God, I missed his penis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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