i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
