can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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