He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
