I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
