i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
