Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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